Thursday, 3 June 2010

I Need A Break, God

I had a job interview today. How did it go? I have no idea. It was over and done with in 15 minutes. Does that make it good or bad? Were we all efficient at saying what we wanted to say? Or did they make their mind up about me and decide to move on?

I wasn't sure I wanted this job. It doesn't pay that well and it's only cover work for people on holiday or sick. I need a full-time job with a pension. But I told myself it could be a beginning. And at the end of the interview I decided I did want the job. But we shall see.

I have so many irons in the fire. I would just like one of them to get hot. Then I could relax a bit.

I also would like FEX to just lighten up. He treats this whole process as a personal attack. To me it's just a process, an unpleasant one, but not a personal attack. I certainly have not gloated to my mother about keeping our children away from his mother. And I suspect his mother has tried to get him to calm down and see reason. I really am trying so hard not see him as the monster he appears to be. I know there's a lot of anger there. And even more hurt. And, yes, I would say he deserves to feel that way. To a point. And he's gone beyond that point. Using the kids is going beyond that point. He says he never says anything negative about me to the kids, that he sticks up for me. It's not what he says, though (and he's certainly said plenty of negative things about me to others). It's how he acts. Like I'm not there. Like he's a single parent. Like he's the only parent they want or need. And they see that. And he buys them too. Well, he can afford to now. Daughter is quite materialistic at this stage in her life. She thinks only money can bring her happiness. Sadly, she's wrong. I remember being that age and wanting a flash car and nice clothes. I thought that would define me to the world as someone to be reckoned with, a success. But it doesn't. If you are married to your possessions, you better hope you never lose them.

One thing I have learned at my advanced age. It's trite but true: The best things in life are free. Friendship. Integrity. Money is not bad, and I am not looking forward to having less of it. But it's your attitude about money that matters. And FEX has a very strange one.


Expat mum said...

My sister has just been job hunting and it seemed like the ones she didn't get were not right for her anyway. If you don't get this one, it's probably a good thing and there'll be something else just around the corner. With a pension.

DogLover said...

I hope you do get the job. Even though it's not a permanent one, it'll be a good refresher for you and you'll get a better perspective for looking for more suitable work. Good luck!