Monday, 31 May 2010

Oh, What a Nasty Man

Fex is on the phone with his mother. I can hear most of what he's saying. He is railing against me. He is saying I will not be able to get a credit card. He is saying he could cancel the credit card tomorrow and I'd be stuffed. He is saying if the kids live with him, as he seems to think they will, I won't be able to get benefits. He is talking about a figure of £2,500 a month and that I won't be able to take the kids to see my parents on that. And I won't be able to get plane tickets without a credit card. He is saying how he warned me in his infamous letter how difficult life would be for me financially. He is saying I've lived the life of "bloody Riley." He is making a joke about me being a "golddigger." He says "MY kids are really loyal to me." He says all the parents of the kids' friends are aware of what's going on and are on his side. He is saying how much he admires Julie16 How late in life, apparently, Julie16 is pursuing a degree.

I should not have to hear this. I should not have to live this life. I went away one night with friends on Saturday to celebrate the 50th birthday of one. I had such a good time. I cried when we were leaving because I didn't want to come back to this nightmare. And I knew he would find a way to twist it round that he's the only parent in their lives.

Does he not realise that he wouldn't have any kids if it weren't me? No other women were queuing up to sleep with him, believe me.

I have been trying to find an amicable solution to this. But it's so difficult. He makes no attempt at discretion. I think he wants me to hear these hurtful conversations. But I do have the text from my daughter.

He's going on about buying me out now. And he plans to phone the Home Office and get me shipped out. And I've apparently been "very, very nasty." And my lawyer apparently wasn't on the ball about looking at his contract of employment because it wasn't even dated.


menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh if you can just hang on in there. Of course he wants you to hear what he is saying. C;early he is very bitter and desperate to get his side of the situation over to others. Don't rise to the mind games this controlling man is playing with you. He needs counselling and anger management but he would be the last person to accept he needs it. What a hellish situation you are in. It will take time for the dust to settle once you get away but you do need to talk to someone professional or at least a divorce support group whilst you are living through this. There are a few online that could help. Even Gingerbread for single parents can help you - look them up.

Your kids will see the situation for what it is in time and the courts will see it too, no matter what the lord and master says will happen. Have faith and try not to let him push your hot buttons. Ignoring him will cause him more annoyance than you could ever imagine. He likes the effect his comments and behaviour is having on you - don't give him the satisfaction. Keep posting, it will help. But you can have more private chats online on these divorce sites - just don't let him know where you are communicating through. That will annoy big time!

Fire Byrd said...

Good advice from MOB, agree with her.

Kim said...

Oh, Lord, honey. I had no idea this was all going on. Geez. And I haven't a clue what to say. More reading to do.

michiganme said...

MOB said it all. This man NEEDS to find reasons to hate you---at this point it's his life-force. Since he gets to control everything else in your life, don't give him the satisfaction of controlling your emotions.

I like the idea of a support group. Do some meditation. Get some exercise. Anything to help you cope.

I suspect his mother is his only friend.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

MOB: Sound advice indeed. I found a support group on a website. Thank you for your kind and supportive words.

Fire Byrd: I'm so thankful to have you as a friend.

Kim: Yeah, words can't begin to express can they?

Michiganme: I do exercise. I take lots of deep breaths. I focus on getting a job and on my computer and massage coursework. And I look to the future. FEX thinks I will always be here. But I won't