Thursday, 13 May 2010

Ya Gotta Accentuate the Positive

I have been trying to think of positive things about future Ex-Hubby. Why? Well, it would make living with him at least somewhat bearable. And really that's what I've been doing for 18 years.

So here's one: he usually pours me one glass of wine from the bottle or two that he consumes every night. He then presents it to me with a flourish, as a master might to a favourite servant.

Here's another: he says he has been collecting information for my income tax return.

Here's a third: he has thought about if "my" car will need new tires for its MOT.

So he's not all bad, I suppose. Even if he shouted at me tonight because he says I didn't tell him in time about my latest solicitor's bill. Oh yes, I have to seek his permission to pay my solicitor's bills because he still controls the money. ALL the money because he more or less forced me to close the one account in my name. He threatened to get an injunction against me if I didn't sign the letter asking the funds to be transferred into a joint account. Of course, he could have then funneled it into his own account. Girls, never give up your careers. Never allow your partners to be the sole breadwinners. It gives them far too much control.

I retreated to my room after his shouting fit and nearly broke down in tears. So frustrating. We need to drop the price on the house but I'm afraid to approach him about it. Just as I was afraid to tell him about the solicitor's bill. I think he would have shouted at me anyway no matter when I told him. He's given me a hard time in the past about the bills. Anyway, we'll be sitting here a year from now if we don't drop the price. But future Ex-Hubby has his head in the sand about it.

I've been thinking about my parents lately and not in a good way. On Sunday my mother said she planned to get future Ex-Hubby a birthday present. I said I didn't know why she bothered since his family didn't get me anything (nothing new there). She said, "He's never done anything to me."

I will allow what few readers I have a moment to digest that statement. Are those the words of a mother supporting her daughter? Yet both my parents stuck up for the bastard all the 17 years we were married. They were so enamoured of the man I believe they cared more for him than they did for me. That's why he felt free to email them and say such terrible things about me. Because he knew they were never completely on my side. I don't know if my relationship with my father will recover. My mother is just nuts, I decided. Both spoke to him behind my back.

Where is the loyalty? Or the love? I rely heavily on my friends, and thank God I have them for my family have been completely useless in siding with me and supporting me through the terrible ordeal this marital breakup has been.


Angela said...

I'm a reader! (Just claiming it because I read in Google Reader.) I can totally understand how you feel about your mother buying him a present. Unfortunately I cant offer any great words of wisdom, given I'm not even married yet. But I have certainly taken your advice on board to have my own money and not rely on anyone, no matter how much I love them. I'm wishing you happiness and comfort.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Angela, if my ordeal has made you wiser about money, then you've made me a happy woman. Not that what has happened to me would necessarily happen to you, but it's good for your own self-esteem. And thank you for being a reader.