Tuesday, 4 May 2010

I Hate Him So (Well, I Had to Say It Sooner or Later)

I heard Hubby talking about me on the phone again tonight. I always have to think about who he's talking about because the person he describes just doesn't sound like me at all. Tonight, again, he said he doubts the kids will want anything to do with me once the divorce is final. That could be wishful thinking on his part. Then again, the way the kids are to me, maybe not. And apparently Hubby has a fledgeling relationship. The woman in question wants it to be just friends for now. But, he told whoever, what if in the future they get together and what if I come back and demand more of his pension? Because the salary I'll be on once I get a job will be so low I'll probably have to. Or so he said.

This seems to be a recurrent theme with him: me trying to get my hands on all his money. That, however, is not the uppermost concern for me. The uppermost concern, my biggest fear, is that I won't have a relationship with my kids. I wonder if when he took them out last Sunday he said he took this job so he could work from home and they could live with him. The properties he's looking at certainly suggest he plans to have a family living with him. My kids won't even talk to me about what will happen afterwards or where they will live. No one will talk about anything.

I wonder if I shouldn't just ask my daughter outright if she plans to live with her father. I may not like the answer but at least I'll know where I stand. I don't like Hubby making the children collude with him in screwing me. I think it's wrong. I think he's actually fucking them up because I haven't done anything to my kids to make them hate me this much. I haven't run out on them. I haven't abused them. I hate their father, but who wouldn't if they were in my shoes? And I manage to hold my tongue and temper most of the time. When I've lost it, it's because I've been pushed into losing it.

But I bet they don't see it that way.

So Hubby's greatest fear is that I'll take him to the cleaners and he will lose his pension. And he treats me in a way that makes me want to do just that. My biggest fear is I will lose my kids. I would gladly trade my pension rights for my kids any day. I'm just astounded at how little Hubby knows me. After 18 years together he thinks my priority is the money. But that's his. Always has been. Mine has always been the family. Suddenly, the workaholic husband is a family man who has to work from home because of his kids. Who treats me like I'm invisible. On Sunday, for example, I said I would call Son to find out when he was coming home. Hubby then told Daughter, in front of me, to text her brother to find out where he was because Hubby was leaving the house. I said I could do that as I'm still one of Son's parents. Why does he do that? To further demean me in the eyes of my children. To make them think he's the only parent they can count on. He's their best friend and they are his. Or so he thinks.

I. Hate. The. Man. So. Very. Much.


Exmoorjane said...

OMG. I haven't been by for ages (have just been spring-cleaning blog) and am just so so so sorry. I am in no shape or form a good person to talk to on this but I wonder, have you come across dulwichdivorcee and familyaffairsandothermatters? Both lovely lovely bloggers who have been through divorce and who may have wise words.
All I can send is a large hug. jx

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Fire Byrd: Thank you for all your words of support. I feel like you're the prop keeping me standing.

Exmoor Jane: Oh yes, it's been a very ugly few months. Thank you for the blog info. I will try to visit them.

michiganme said...

Don't let him win, don't let him win!! He wants you to give up, he wants you to lose your temper and cry and grovel. Your children are confused and when the pendulum comes back to the middle & life calms down, they'll see how he poisoned the truth.

Just don't make them choose between the two of you---tell them you'll love them no matter what. I promise they will remember that.

Manchester Lass, Now and Then said...

Money is the root of all evil, sadly. Your children will work the situation out, if they already haven't. I'm sure over the years he has shown his true colours as to what type of Father he really is. Keep being the loving and caring Mum that you are♥ Linda xoxo

lady macleod said...

I'm so very sorry you are having to go through such an ordeal. I must michiganme in saying that in spite of your (understandable) emotional turmoil, you mustn't lose sight of the fact that money = power. I'm not advocating you take advantage (of the poor sod) but only that you look to your future, and that of your children. Don't let him goad you into giving up your due because he describes you in an unpleasant light.

That's not advice, I don't do advice, but it is my opinion.

Again, I'm so sorry to read of the bad time you are having - but just as things can always get worse, they can always get better.

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