Saturday, 5 June 2010

Scary Stories

FEX is downstairs on the phone. Talking about me. Again. How do I know? My bedroom is right above the kitchen. I can hear all sorts of conversations.

I think he is unhappy because lately the kids and I have been getting along better. That is not part of the fiction he's created. They are supposed to be loyal to him and hate me.

Anyway, to occupy myself I decided to reread the letter he wrote me in October, the letter that was supposed to convince me to stay.

Here's an excerpt: "If you run with divorce proceedings, the lawyers and courts will not give a toss about your emotions or your feelings or indeed mine."

And another: "Since (my lawyers) consider the house to be big enough for all of us, I will not move out of the family home until it is sold, and I don't want you to move out either."

And yet another: "But once the gloves are off you will be 'on your own.'"

"There will be no ... financial risks if we reconnect as a couple and stay as a family unit."

He goes on about how little of his pension I would be entitled to, how his lawyer advised him to rewrite his will before the divorce was final, how if I stayed with him I wouldn't have to work, etc. All figures were presented in pounds and dollars. Then he wrote about how my financial assets will erode over time without benefit of inheritance from my parents. Huh?

Here's another quote: "But I cannot be held responsible once the courts start."

He even mentioned the cats being upset. He was a desperate man. But not a smart man. I found the whole letter very threatening and condescending in tone. I took it to my solicitor, who thought the same thing. He lied about his lawyer telling him to change his will. I found the email in which she specifically told him not to do so till the divorce is final.

He mentioned that the whole process could take as long as 2-3 years if the house doesn't sell. Well, it could if he makes it last long. By the way, he does very little to prepare the house for showings. The last time he sat out on the patio reading the paper while I was cleaning frantically from top to bottom.

Here's another quote, not from FEX but from Daughter: "Mum, I can't believe you haven't learnt not to trust dad with what he says."

That last quote is the most meaningful. I must learn to take everything FEX says and does with a grain of salt. It's very scary to be in my position. But staying in this marriage would be even scarier.

1 comment:

Expat mum said...

Nice how he never once said he loved you and wanted you to stay for that reason. I have a friend here who is going through the same thing and all her husband does is threaten her. What in the world makes him think she'll stay as a result is beyond me.