Friday, 29 June 2007

Harper Valley PTA revisited







Here is my son in his school play. Obviously, he looks more human than the fellow at left, but I must say he is the Best Damn Squirrel ever in a school play. He should win an award.

Last night was a bit melancholy because it's the last school production either of my children will be in in primary school. But on the other hand, I thought, Hurrah, I don't have to see those Bitch Mothers anymore. You know the sort. Very cliquey. They rule the PTAs of the world. I used to be one of them till I was frozen out. Then I decided, Fuck 'em. I can't stand the PTA anyway. I can't help it if my children are so gorgeous and intelligent that they just naturally outshine the BMs' children. I can't help it if I'm just naturally so gorgeous and intelligent that I outshine the BMs.

So I sat next to one of the Bad Mums who still speaks to me and we had the most fascinating conversation. She's just had her nose pierced, and she regaled me with stories of the piercings of other bodily parts that she saw or heard about. Body piercing, apart from ears, is something I only ever saw in National Geographic. Foreskin and clitoral piercing are way outside my league. I remember when having two piercings in each earlobe was daring.

Anyway, after the piercing conversation we moved on to gossip about the male teacher who has been off for two months because of a bad back. The other mum reckons it's from too much shagging (he's recently become engaged after losing his wife to cancer). And we had a good look at the boyishly handsome new head, so different from the old head who didn't believe in shaving her legs. I always thought a sponsored leg wax would have been a good fund-raiser.

All in all, it was a good evening, despite one of the Bitch Mothers trying her best to blank me (she couldn't because she would have tripped over me otherwise). I do so enjoy being one of the Bad Mums.

12 comments:

J said...

What *is* it with those bitch moms? They annoy me to no end (I've written a couple bits about them myself). The cliques here start with the nursery school "advisory board" and go on and on. I tried to be a joiner once but was so badly burned that I vowed never again.

When I saw this shirt I knew it was for me. I wear it when I am feeling particularly snarky. Which is to say, I wear it often. http://planetmomtshirts.com/ptarelosltee.html

Here's to being a Bad Mum!!!

DJ Kirkby said...

Hurrah for 'Bad Mums'! There is hope for me yet!

marymaryquitecontrary said...

It happens everywhere;I call it snobbery. I hated going to school events and the standing around with tea afterwards. I did like it however when my children walk up to receive the prizes.

lady macleod said...

When I was wee and very upset because one of the village lads had told our stable boy I was a "real tarty bitch" ( I was ten!) one of my tutors in a most non egalitarian moment, told me "People who will say unfair and mean things about you are either jealous or quite mad." I found this little motto quite comforting and not only have I relied on it through the years, but I passed it on to Q. You, may use it as well! Tarty bitches!

Pixie said...

If you want to put TBMs noses out of joint, and could be bothered get to be a school governor.

Cause they actually are important.

This is from a bad mother, who is Chair of Governors and let her youngest have his lip pierced!

Which made me ace in some quarters and very very bad in others

jenny said...

I take being a "Bad Mum" anyday over a Bitch Mom!! I'd fit right in with your pierced mom. I'm not exactly Bitchy Mom material, what with my tattoo and pierced tongue. I actually had people ask me if I would laser out my tattoo and rid my tongue stud and I said, "Why? My kids will grow to think it is perfectly normal to have a tattooed and pierced mom." But if they wanted a tat or piercing, they'll have to wait until they are 18, just like I did.

Stay at home dad said...

Yay, I want to be in your clique. These people are insecure and probably have awful home lives. We should actually be feeling sorry for them...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Well, I think we've got enough people here to start a new club: The Bad Mums and Dads (BMDs). We are so much more fun than the Bitch Mothers.
Pixie, I tried to become a school governor but lost in a popular vote. C'est la vie.
SAHD, you're right of course. You've had your own encounters with this sort. But sometimes it's hard to feel pity when they are so bitchy.
Thank you all for your comments.

Pixie said...

You just got tagged! 7 fascinating facts about you, that we don't know yet!
px

Snuffleupagus said...

Your world is so funny and so different to mine. We have to think of inventive ways to get parents to join the PTA...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Snuffy, I belonged to the PTA for years, my husband was the treasurer. We showed up for every event, helped out at everything, but I still got frozen out. As long as it's an elitist, cliquey organisation, which inevitably it is, you will find parents who run a mile in the opposite direction.

Pixie, I'll have to think this one over.

debio said...

Can I apply for the BM's club too please? I have impeccable credentials - details of which I won't bore you with here.

Lady M's comments so apposite...