Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Time to Breathe

I want to get back to my Moving to England series, but have hit a bit of a block. I wrote a whole post about childbirth and then realised it was total crap. Back to the drawing board.

Things aren't as dire for Hubby as they could be, but there's still time for that. His job won't end till the end of March and maybe in April. That gives him a bit of breathing room for finding another job. We got through February, and nobody died. I keep telling myself that.

In the meantime I'm learning who my friends are and aren't. Remember the whole Edna, Mildred, Gladys soap opera? I was worried because I was going skiing with Mildred, a longstanding friend, and her friend, Gladys, who is mortal enemies with Edna, a friend of mine. Well, I got on fine with Mildred and Gladys on the holiday. When I returned I met up with Edna, who wanted to know how I got on with Gladys. I said fine, no problems. Well, Edna was very upset by this and burst into tears and said Gladys always does this and takes all her friends away. I said Gladys hadn't taken me away, and Edna said, "She did. You like her now." And, yes, it was as childish as it sounds. I tried to comfort her and reassure her, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, "I've just told you my husband is about to be out of a job, and this is what you do to me?"

I don't feel I was in any way disloyal to Edna. I did not discuss her with the other two. I was relieved to get on with the other two because it's an awfully expensive holiday to go on and have a bad time. I didn't hang out with them all the time. But Edna is trying to make me feel guilty. She emailed me later to "apologise" for her behaviour, but it didn't exactly sound like an apology.

I feel bad for Edna. I told her no one should have that much control over her emotions. And I can see myself a bit in her behaviour. Yes, I have felt upset enough with people to want to prevent others from being their friends. And I can see now that that is wrong. My mother did the same thing to a longstanding friend of hers. One time my grandmother was visiting my dad and my stepmother. My stepmother asked her if there was anyone she wanted to see, and she said yes, this friend of my mother's. My stepmother took her over there, and this friend, being a very generous person, entertained them both. My mother found out about it and cut the friend right out of her life. It's self-destructive behaviour, the kind my mother specializes in.

I wish I could help Edna come to terms with her anger and hurt. Sadly, I think she is the only one who can do that. Also, sadly, I think she will lose more friends -- perhaps even me -- before she will do that.


Anonymous said...

My sister's going skiing on Thursday with a group of girls - I wonder if she has a similar experience!!

Why can't people just get along with eachother.

Crystal xx

Kaycie said...

I don't know what to say. It seems to me that is immature, high school reminiscient behavior. I can't imagine having my feelings hurt because my friend liked someone I couldn't tolerate. It just seems crazy to me.

I wonder if this has something to do with the fact that most of my friends are of the male persuasion or do not travel in the same social circles.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

CJ: I hope your sister has a good time. I'm sure she will. Most people don't seem to behave like this.

kaycie: Yes, probably it does. I have to say I was stunned by Edna's behavior. When I told her my mother had a lump in her breast, she repeated to me some malicious gossip about me. Hmmm, she's making Frenemy sound very tame.

Rosie said...

Oh gosh, friendships don't seem to get any easier. I have to agree with kaycie on this one, it does sound like high school behaviour. She sounds very insecure really. Life's always complicated isn't it?

Maggie May said...

Hi just dropped by for a chat! This behaviour is similar to to that in the Reception playground at the school where I work! Like your blog very much!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Hi rosie: I think she is insecure, but I understand her insecurity. But why is life complicated?

Hey maggie may: It just shows that you can take the girl out of the playground, but you can't take the playground out of the girl!