Thursday, 20 December 2007

Of Boyfriends Past

Laurie got me thinking about boyfriends past. I've had a fair few of them, most not very acceptable. But some made more of an impact than others.

There was my College Boyfriend (CB). I met him on a night out with girlfriends when I was 17 and a freshman. He was 21, with wiry, prematurely gray hair and a mustache (I had a thing for facial hair when I was younger). I was very drunk. He took my number and I really didn't think I'd hear from him.

He did call, two days later. I was completely infatuated and started spending lots of time at his (unheated and this was December) apartment in the student ghetto. He was funny. He was smart. He also had another girlfriend in West Virginia. She was in law school. He was studying political science. He came into my life at that stage when I was a sponge, soaking up as much knowledge as possible.

But he was Catholic, from a large family with an alcoholic father and lovely mother. Though he didn't practice his Catholicism anymore, he retained the guilt. And he felt very guilty about the other girlfriend, who knew nothing about me. He would make comments about me, comparing my body, my mind, my whatever to her. The Christmas break came, and I went to visit my mother in Wyoming, where I met a gorgeous cowboy. We had a fling, but I couldn't get CB out of my head.

After the Christmas break, he moved and broke off contact with me. I got the flu really bad and couldn't get out of bed for a week. Then the depression hit me. I looked for him everywhere on campus but never ran into him. Till it was almost Spring Break. I saw him or he saw me walking. We spoke. He took me back to his new apartment and introduced me to his new roommates. We resumed our relationship. His girlfriend still didn't know about me. I stayed on at college that summer to be with him. Gainesville, Fla., is not where you want to be in the summer. Except I wanted to be with him.

I went to my dad's for the break till the next term started. In that time CB moved again. He was supposed to call, but never did. Finally, I tracked him down. His old girlfriend had been visiting, and his new roommates thought she was fantastic. Still, we didn't break up. He introduced me to his new roommates, who never did take to me. Neither did his family.

The longer we were together, the more determined I was to be the girlfriend who won. It took me over a year. No one I knew liked CB. Not my family. Not my roommates. Not my friends. I didn't care. I wanted him. Finally, I wrote him a letter telling him that I couldn't take being second in line anymore. That did it. He broke up with the other woman.

And he turned into a possessive maniac. He didn't like me to wear makeup. Or revealing clothes. Or to talk to any other guy. We had a huge fight in McDonald's once because he'd seen me talking to a guy in one of my classes. He made me cry. In public. He also cheated on me at least once. And I cheated on him. We broke up once. I lost loads of weight. Then we got back together. I needed him. Somehow he was my security blanket. He disliked the major I chose, journalism, because he had contempt for all journalists.

Finally, he graduated and went to another university to get a master's in public policy. I drove two hours every weekend to see him. But I was starting to feel my independence. I got an internship at a paper. I started to work at the college newspaper. Other guys showed interest in me, and I was interested in them. I had a fling with one of the reporters on the college newspaper. When I graduated, I got a job at a newspaper in Fort Myers, on the copy desk. I lost loads of weight again and got loads of male attention. Finally, I could no longer keep up the double life.

CB and I had talked about getting married, but had never officially become engaged. It was just an understanding. I broke up with him on the phone. Cowardly, I know. He said lots of mean things to me, which I shrugged off. It didn't matter because I'd met someone new.

I moved on with my life. A few years passed, and in the middle of the night the phone rang. It was CB. He'd been drinking with his dad and got nostalgic and tracked me down somehow. My then-husband was not pleased. He had nothing to worry about. The next day I called CB. Was he OK? Yes, but his mother had been killed by a robber at the convenience store she'd had to get a job at. He'd married his next-door neighbour, a nurse. They raised dobermans and had a couple of kids. He worked as a rep for a drug company, never using the master's he had completed.

And that was the last I heard of him. I wish him well, but he's not someone I would want back in my life. Unlike the next boyfriend.


Kaycie said...

I think everyone has one of these relationships, where the guy is kinda bad for you in one way or another, but you just can't get enough of him.

Personally, I'm more interested in the next guy.

laurie said...

oooh, i'm gonna love this series.

i had a deeply possessive boyfriend when i was about that age, too. he also had facial hair. (same guy???? ah, probably not.)

my friends nicknamed him the Psycho Killer. (as in the Talking Heads song.) he was vastly inappropriate.

Flowerpot said...

I had several of those! In fact, I was ace at picking them for many many years. Glad you didnt get hitched to him!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

kaycie, laurie, and flowerpot: unfortunately, in my 20s,I seemed to be addicted to the wrong kind of guy. Psycho Killer, eh, Laurie? Q'est que c'est?

Candy said...

You know, I've never been around one of those possessive types. I always wonder if I would have fallen for it and let him control me, or told him to jack off.

I'm glad you got away from him. So I don't have to see you on Oprah next week.

Pixie said...

Ah yes the I'm not worth anything so I'll go out with men who treat me mean.... remember it well!!

jenny said...

I've never had a serious boyfriend.. except for the one I lost my virginity with.. We were together for 2 months before he left college and went back home. After that was a string of lovers and then I met my husband. Seems like I always fell for the guys who, when I told them I liked them, responded with, "Sorry, you're not my type of girl". Whatever, I'm happy now, so there!

I'm glad you didn't end up marrying CB. I think that would have been bad for you. Very curious to hear about the next one!

Anonymous said...

It's funny how things turn out. Glad you didn't choose him. Sounds like you did much better without him.

Crystal xx

P.S. I have the meme of a letter to my 13 year old self that you tagged me for!

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

this is great! Can't wait to hear about the next one! Merry Christmas mate!

DJ Kirkby said...

Phew! Lucky escape!

laurie said...

merry christmas, coffee!!!

more blogging in the new year!!!

Snuffleupagus said...

Yes - that's what people always tell me - treat em mean... You are living proof it works!

Queeny said...

CB reminds me of my college boyfriend. We dated for three years -- my longest relationship before meeting my hubs. We had talked about marriage, but he wound up marrying someone else, almost out of the blue. His family liked me, except for his mom. So, the way I see it, he saved me from some major MIL drama. I wound up with an MIL I adore and he wound up divorced.