Monday, 19 November 2007

Oh, the Drama!



What can I say? Life goes on. I didn't get to speak to Hubby till Thursday night because he'd dropped his mobile phone and someone stood on it Wednesday night. Pretty bad day all the way round for him. His firm say he has to raise £10,000,000 for his fund by the end of the year or they will shut it down in January. Hubby says they were still dithering in the meeting Wednesday so he just walked out. They wanted him to work Christmas Eve and he told them they could forget that idea.

Worst case scenario (which could get worse, you never know): Hubby gets three weeks' redundancy pay and can't find another job for at least a year. He doesn't think that will be the case though. He's also looking in different directions as well. He's hoping they will give him six months' redundancy, but you can never count on these people to do the right thing. In any case Hubby has decided the time is right to move on.

Shame, really. This job made our home life topsy-turvy. Two and a bit years ago he was being wooed by all sorts of headhunters and was set to go with one firm, till they let the cat out of the bag and he got pissed off and cancelled it. Then this firm called up out of the blue. He thought he would fit in, and it gave him the chance to work with different people. In many ways it expanded his career horizons but it cost him personally. He would leave for London on Sunday evenings, returning home on Friday nights. We got about 36 hours with him, and most of those he spent decompressing then getting wound up again.

The kids and I were going to move down south. That was always the plan. But we had to finish doing up our house before putting it on the market. That took about a year. Then last year we put it up for sale. And had exactly four viewers in six months. The longer it went on, the more I realised I didn't want to move at all. My 47th birthday really cinched it for me. It was an awful birthday, one of the worst. I felt so depressed about everything. Hubby and I had been arguing for a fair few months in a way we'd never argued before. He had put the whole responsibility of this new job on my shoulders in one spectacular argument. He started drinking more. I would try to confide in my daughter, who didn't want to know, and who can blame her. Finally, Hubby agreed to a compromise. He would work from home on Fridays and go back at 2:30 a.m. on Mondays. Still not ideal, but better. The arguments ceased; I went on HRT and felt a whole lot better.

Most likely Hubby will remain in London with any future employment. It's the hub of activity for his profession. We will remain up here because we like it here. I think Hubby has kicked himself for making this move, but there are no guarantees in life. And you can't not take chances just because it might not end up the way you'd like it to. I felt incredibly lonely the first year, as did Hubby. But I got used to him being away. I might have to get used to having him back. How will I write my blog then? I'll have to tell him (and then delete all references to him).

On the plus side, we found out last night that son has made the county cross-country squad. And last night I watched the first episode of "Cranford." All you Americans should look out for it on PBS someday. Dame Judy Dench and many others are in it. I remember reading the book (a collection of stories really) by Mrs. Gaskill for the book group I belonged to at the time. So highly entertaining. And the series looks to be just as good. You can't beat a good costume drama.

17 comments:

laurie said...

this sounds pretty difficult. long-distance relationships are hard to maintain; you do get used to being apart, and then it's hard to stay close when you prefer to be separate. i hope you continue to find that important middle ground.

it sounds like he won't have any trouble finding a new job, though, and that's a very good thing.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Hey you're ahead! It's not monday yet!

Queeny said...

I hope the job situation works out. My own hubs is facing a situation that could make our lives topsy turvy. Good luck to you and yours. (And Vi's right; how'd you post for monday on Sunday?)

Kaycie said...

It sounds like you're moving forward and that is a good thing. It's so hard if you remain stuck in a bad place. Believe, me I know. We did it for months with hubby's last job before we moved.

I am thinking good thoughts for you and your family.

And I won't ever forget your birthday. ;)

ciara said...

ok, i guess i should stop bitching and moaning that i don't see my husband for about 12 hours a day and when he comes home it's only for about 3 hours. i can't even imagine him only being around for 36 hours.

i mean, my husband and i did the long distance thing when we were dating and we got married to solve that problem! lol

i'm sorry everything's getting so tough. but i think it will all sort itself out. great new about your son :)

Dee said...

oh boy. Not an easy situation. I'm confident you will find the right solution together with hubby. Sounds like moving on is the best thing to do.
I feel for you for having a long distance 'relationship' with hubby. That's so hard! I've done that for a few years and wouldn't do it again if at all possible. Especially with kids around. Kudos to both of you for managing that.
Good luck and keep us posted ;)

Flowerpot said...

I do hope he snaps up another job very quickly but dont envy you the split marriage. I'd hate it but i suppose, like anything, you get used to it. and I loved Cranford. What fabulous acting!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Laurie: This long-distance thing has been VERY hard on our marriage. I do hope he finds another job quickly, but you never know.

VI: I thought I'd get ahead and write this Sunday night.

Queeny: You can change the date on your posts. I learned that trick from Rotten Correspondent. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

kaycie: I hope we get beyond this point very quickly. Thank you for your thoughts.

ciara: Hubby and I got married to get around that long-distance thing too, but it came back again. Amazing how many couples do this.

dee: Hi and welcome to my blog. The danger with long-distance relationships is you start living two separate lives, which we do for four days a week. We're still on the same page for a lot of things, though.

flowerpot: Yes, I'd been looking forward to Cranford and wasn't disappointed.

debio said...

Oh, nothing stays the same does it?

I am rooting for you that it will all work out for the best.

Pixie said...

Life is so transient isn't it. Your bumbling along not tsking much notice and then things like this come along to upset it all!
Do hope it works out for all of you in whatever way that is.

That's a big task getting him out of your blog!
pxx

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Debio: Change is good. I think. I just don't always like it.

Pixie: Life keeps you on your toes, though. Yeah, maybe I'll tell him about the blog but not what it's called.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I missed Cranford last night and really wanted to watch it. Perhaps they will repeat it on another Sky channel.

Sounds like your husband isn't having too good a time of it. On the upside, it might be nice to spend more time together (?).

Best wishes, Crystal xx

The Rotten Correspondent said...

I'm catching up after being away and am now all up to date on your Amsterdam adventures. It sounds like you all had quite the experience!

Your home situation sounds like it's been very difficult for you and I hope, as odd as this sounds to say, that this job change can help things out. It's hard being away from your husband for that length of time and even harder to be the one with the kids while he's gone.

I'm crossing fingers that some sort of compromise can be reached that makes you all happy. Hell, I'll even cross toes.

Swearing Mother said...

The problem with husbands working away is that you call the shots whilst they're not there, and when they come home it can be a bit of a power struggle. Or at least it was in our house. We seemed to spend too much of our precious time together arguing, and getting his stuff ready for the off again.

There's no easy answer to any of it, but I hope the next step will be an easier one for both of you. I just know how you feel.

Andy F. said...

u r as young as u feel. keep going after it! ultimatenyg

jenny said...

I don't know how you do it, seeing hubby for only 36 hours. That was the reason my hubby quit his job, we couldn't handle the distance apart from each other. He would make the 2 1/2 hour drive one day, stay the night at his parent's house that lived near work and come home the next night. We tried the weekly thing. It was ALL murder on us. We are the kind of couple that like, no, LOVE being together 24 hours. My mom tells me she worries if something should ever happen to hubby, how would I get on.

I wish you and your Hubby much luck in the job front. You're a stronger woman than I.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

CJ: I don't know if we would spend more time together. I'm married to a workaholic. I understand his addiction because I used to have it myself, but I do worry what he'd do without work. I jokingly tell the kids that I'll have to get a job at the local supermarket when he retires to get away from him.

RC: I don't know what the job change will be, or if it'll make things easier. We shall see. Keep crossing.

SM: Exactly. You're in charge when they're away and make decisions that they then question when they get home. My parenting skills have been put under a spotlight because it all comes down to me. We had lots of arguments about that too. But life moves on.

andyf.: I always thought I was as young as the man I feel. I will keep going, thanks.

jenny: I don't know that I'm stronger. I just have to get on with things for the sake of others. I wish I felt as close to my Hubby as you do yours.