Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Tuesday Twins II, Awards, and Frenemies
Well, they look alike to me.
I've been given two awards in the last few days, the Breakout Blogger award from Kaycie and the Rockin' Blogger award from Crystal Jigsaw. Thanks very much, guys, and here are my nominees:
For the Breakout Blogger award I nominate Pixie, the Rotten Correspondent (who already has every award out there but so what), VI, and Queenie (or Chantay as I know her).
For the Rockin Blogger award, I nominate annie, debio, Queen Vixen, and mind the gap.
All of you are great, and I enjoy your blogs very much.
Now onto the frenemy issue (and none of you are like that). Yes, it takes a special person to become a frenemy. Someone who is so confused and confusing in their behaviour that Freud would have a field day.
Here are some definitions from the Urban Dictionary:
"frenemy" 1. The type of "friend" whose words or actions bring you down.(whether you realize it as intentional or not) The type of friend you ought to cut off but don't cuz...they're nice... good ...you've had good times with them. U know...they're good people that you can count on to bring you down again sometime in the near future.The friend you may or may not have cornered about their quicksand like ways and keep around because "its in the past"...and so was one minute ago. The person that will continue to bring you down until you demand better for yourself. When you ask yourself is that person my friend or enemy...they are your frenemy. Straighten em out or leave them. Don't put up with it.
2. Someone who is both friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust.
And that pretty much defines my relationship with the frenemy I mentioned yesterday. She is one of a group of friends who came together when our kids were at nursery together. Actually she and I met when I was pregnant with my first child and went on weekends away together and meals out before she ever met the rest of the group. But she hid this from them for a long time. I don't know exactly why but I have my suspicions. Her daughter is six months older than my daughter. Her son is three weeks older than my son. There is a LOT of competition about the kids. Her kids are pretty bright, go to private school, are given everything they ask for and more, go on exotic holidays every single holiday. Yes, they are spoiled. My kids can't stand them anymore. My son always disliked the boy, who is a bit of a thug and know-it-all. He used to beat up my son and the two sons of another friend in the group. He has broken things in everyone's house. We dread having him round. The daughter is morbidly obese and goes to Slimming World now (though officially we don't know that). She is also sneaky, hides food, and winds her brother up so he gets in trouble all the time.
We (my kids and I; hubby won't go) went skiing with Frenemy and her family in February. They have a house in Tremblant, Canada, which niggled me because I was the one who "discovered" Tremblant several years ago. But she graciously invited everyone in the group, and I was the only one to take up her offer. She was good fun, and she and I got totally legless on the plane (I threw up). Her kids, though, became a problem. We split the cost of a rental of a mini-van. I had the option to drive, but her husband did it all since he knew his way around better. We were all supposed to take turns sitting in the very back, but she never did and her kids only did it once. It became a big issue for my daughter, in particular, who thought it was unfair (and so it was). Frenemy and her husband bought her son new skis while there. The son wanted to use them there and then. They said no, he had to wait till Christmas. My kids saw him jumping on his old skis in an effort to break them so he could use his new ones. Didn't work. He lost his Spider ski gloves in a store (despite me finding them once and giving them back). Frenemy's kids made no effort to mix with my kids, playing on their PS2s when not skiing. I tried very hard to be on my best behaviour because Frenemy is the sort to remember things and bring them up at the most embarrassing moments. So I more than paid my share for food, drink, gas, meals out. I helped clean the house (because she is manic about having a clean house). I made coffee and breakfast every morning while she lolled in bed reading her book and eating breakfast (her husband brought it up to her every morning). She did not come down once without all her makeup on.
However, I did lose my rag once. At the kids, mine included. We'd agreed I'd take them swimming while Frenemy and her husband went to look at Jacuzzis (don't ask). We told Frenemy's daughter to meet us at the bottom of the slope, and I assumed the others either heard or she would tell them. Along the way, her brother tripped her and she fell. The rest of them skied on. I think she purposely didn't tell them because she was in a huff. Anyway, we're waiting, and the daughter eventually appears. We ask where the others are. She said they skied off without her. I walked up to the pool eventually, carrying my kids' snowboots (I'd hurt my back before we left and I wasn't feeling too good). I found the kids' skis, but no kids. I walked down. I took the gondola up. I took it down. Finally, they appear. I shouted at my daughter, who said the son had told them to look in the shops for his mother. I really wanted to shout at her kids, of course, but couldn't. I said I wasn't taking them swimming. Her son had a fit, and said lots of things about me to my kids when I wasn't there. To the point of making my daughter cry. I tried to put this unpleasant episode behind us, but Frenemy obviously thought I was out of line. She allowed her kids to make fun of me to my face. I didn't want to lose my rag again so I laughed it off and counted down the days till we got back. Still, I would have gone again but she and her husband made it clear they weren't going skiing in February. So I made plans with another friend in the group to go to Italy. Frenemy found out about it at a barbecue at the end of August and promptly invited that friend and her family to the Canada house at Christmas and New Year. In front of me. With no shame whatsoever.
It has been Frenemy's great ambition to become a magistrate (an officer of the court who hears minor cases and must demonstrate good character, social awareness and sound judgment). She put down my husband's name and another friend's as references, though she didn't bother to ask them first. This annoyed my husband greatly. Also, we know too much about her. We know she frequently drink-drives (with her kids in the car). We know she is unashamedly prejudiced about every minority group and is elitist as well. We know she has made comments suggesting our son is homosexual. I happen to know a few magistrates and gave hubby the phone numbers to ask them for advice. He didn't write a glowing reference, quite the opposite. She kept bringing up the subject when we saw her, how she'd heard nothing and she didn't know why. We would secretly smile. Then Friday she announced she was starting her magistrate training and she looked right at me, as if she knew something. Then she gave me two fingers (she knows which two fingers to use). I asked her what that was for, and she said it was for all of us.
Frenemy talks about all of us behind our backs to the others. And we talk about her. It's become a favourite topic of conversation. How do she and her husband get the money for the holidays, the houses? They buy and sell property. Allegedly. And now they're moving, despite her saying for years she'd never move. I am wondering whether my "friendship" with her will continue because I think she would like to push me out of the group. But she can't because I get on really well with the others, to the point that their kids and mine are almost like brothers and sisters. I think that really bugs Frenemy, though she'd never admit it. And why do I maintain this "frenemyship?" She and I fell out many years ago and didn't speak for months. It was very awkward for everyone, and my kids missed out on lots of stuff. A couple of the other friends in the group brokered a peace deal which we agreed to, and we've had our ups and downs since then. But this move might put things in a different perspective. I haven't wanted to upset the group so I swallow the shit Frenemy has tossed my way. And I'm not always the one she treats badly. So we'll see. Frenemy may fade in the distance at some point, though I would love to see how her kids grow up. And how her magistrate training goes.