Friday, 25 January 2008

It's A Cyst

I can't begin to tell you what the last few days have felt like. Since I spoke to my mother on Tuesday, I have been preparing myself for the worst and thinking through what happens next. I'd decided that I would have to go out to Wyoming, my sister and brother being very unlikely to do so and not really the best candidates anyway. My sister would have volunteered one of her children, also not a very good idea.

My mother called last night with the news. It's a cyst, they decided. Her doctor should be calling her today or next week with more detailed information. I don't understand all the biology of this. How do you suddenly develop cysts at the age of 82? But I'm not looking a gifthorse in the mouth or breast (to use a cliche).

I have viewed this as a dress rehearsal for what could possibly happen in the future. My husband and I discussed what to do, who should stay with the children, etc. We'd ask his parents to come and stay, and I think they would. My very dear friend L. also said she would have our children and the dog, if need be.

So I can move on to worry about more mundane matters, like my upcoming ski holiday. The kids and I (hubby won't go) are going to a resort in Italy recommended by another friend who is also going with some other friends of hers. There's a snag. I am friends with a woman who is a mortal enemy of my friend's friend. They each say very unkind things about each other to me and my friend. I don't repeat what I hear from either side because I don't want to fuel the flames. However, I am caught dead in the middle, and it looks like I might lose my skiing friend because of this. This is the friend who invited us to hers for New Year's, then accepted an invitation from her friend who is also going skiing. My other friend has repeated to me something the friend's friend apparently said about me to another woman. Do I trust this information? Should I care?

Ay Yi Yi. Maybe I should dump all three.

21 comments:

ChrisB said...

I'm so glad you have good news of your mother.
As for the friends~ you don't want to be piggy in the middle~ maybe you need to actually stop them when they try to say something negative by smiling and saying sweetly I'd rather you didn't confide in me. But then what do I know that's probably not good advice~ anyway hope you manage to sort the problem!!

Beckie said...

I'm back...

I'm so glad that it was just a cyst. I hate scares like this.

Happy skiing! Good luck your friends - that's always a hard one to deal with.

Vi said...

Good new about your mum!

Oh the frenemy! As soon as you mentioned skiing trip, I thought of her. If I was you I would explode, telling them what for, and see what happens.

Queen Vixen said...

So relieved about your Mum. As for the friends. I would let them all know how awkward you feel about this. I dont know about you losing them, they are losing you as a result of this behaviour.

laurie said...

yay!

i'm very glad.

very, very glad.

re your friends: jesus. they should grow the hell up.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

chrisb: Thank you. Piggy in the middle isn't a fun game to play when you're an adult.

beckie: Yeah, what makes people like this? Of course, I'm so perfect I'd never behave like that (ha-ha).

Vi: Actually, Frenemy isn't involved in this, and to be fair, this isn't her style. She's much more confrontational. Still, if you hear of an avalanche in Italy, it might be me blowing my top.

QV: Yeah, maybe I should. It's not my battle, after all.

Laurie: god, you're right. My daughter and her friends are better behaved.

Expatmum said...

Phew. SO glad about the news, and good that you have thought through your moves should you ever need to cross the pond in a hurry. I did that only last week.
Re the friends - you are not obliged to be a peacemaker. Don't engage but make it clear by your non-engagement that you don't appreciate your friends slagging each other off. I wouldn't trust the info about what has been said about you either - there are too many agendas at work to make it reliable. Tell them to put their big girl knickers on and behave themselves.
And start those thigh exercises!

Pantheist Mom said...

Wow - I am so glad to hear it's a cyst. Things like this throw everything into perspective, don't they? Relieved for you...

As for your friends - you know, don't LET them pull you into their crap. It's not fun, it's not worth it. Ride the wave above it all and if they want to behave like children, it's their choice. Life's too short for that kind of ridiculousness. Enjoy your skiing!!!

DJ Kirkby said...

Dump all 3 and run away skiiing with the kids, you'll make new friends!

DJ Kirkby said...

P.S. great news about your mom, shame she had to go through all the needling and aspiration of fluids for a cyst but worth the pain for the peace of mind.

-Ann said...

Good news about your mom. It's also good that it provided you the opportunity to develop contingency plans, which will make the future easier although I hope you never have to use them.

As for your friends....geez, where do you find these people? Maybe it's just because I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do have don't know each other, but all of your friends stories just sound insane. None of these women is the infamous Frenemy, are they?

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

That must be a relief and I'm so glad it's good news for your mum.

As for your friends....they are acting like children and I think you need to stay well clear of getting involved!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Gosh, a relief for you I expect. It is of course inevitable that we will lose our parents one day but really we would like them to live forever. Which of course they do.

Crystal xx

DogLover said...

Delighted to hear your news.

I hope you'll blog in due course about the way you handled the situation with your "friends". I'm sure we'd all like to know how to deal with it - most of us will have tried in our time!

doglover

Snuffleupagus said...

So cyst is good? I'm not even sure what that means...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

expatmum: Yes, you would have much the same dilemma, only the other way round, wouldn't you? I never thought about my parents being old and infirm when I moved to the UK. Thigh exercises are agony, but necessary.

PM: In a way I'm glad I heard the news about the friends in the same week as the crisis with my mother. It has thrown things into perspective and is helping me change my outlook on many things.

DJ: I'm sure my mother would agree that it was well worth the aspirating to be told that it's just a cyst.

-ann: Nope, Frenemy isn't involved in this one. I've made the decision that I don't want to be involved in someone else's shit.

aoj: That's what my husband says. You never hear of men in these predicaments, do you?

CJ: They do live forever, just in a different form, don't they?

doglover: I've decided to just rise above it all.

Snuffy: A breast cyst is a fluid–filled, tiny sac within the breast tissue and is benign. The last word is the most important in the last sentence.

Renaissance Woman said...

I;m glad to hear good news about your mom.

As for the friend, that is hard. I would say that if she talks badly about somebody your friends with to your face...she would say something about you behind your back. Not sure if you can change that in a person.

People we love should always be honest and respectful of us. Doesn't sound like she fit that role. Good luck.

Kaycie said...

So glad to hear the good news. That must be such a relief for you. And for her as well.

Laurie is right about your friends. Wow. What children!

Flowerpot said...

glad to hear about the cyst. And I agree with Laurie - yes you should tell them they're behaving like 6 year olds! Then perhaps you can actually enjoy it...

Queeny said...

I am so relieved to hear about your mother. Glad it's just a cyst, which I actually don't know that much about, but it at least sounds (seems) less threatening than cancer.

About that other mess, life's to short to get mired in that kind of drama. TRUE friends wouldn't go talking behind your back. Maybe it's time to cut some strings.

Joker The Lurcher said...

i lost track of which friend of who was which! dump them all - no-one needs that much stress. and great news about your mum - i only just found you from fun monday so i'm glad it was such good news