Monday, 15 June 2009

Just When I Thought I Could Breathe

How was your weekend? Peaceful? Full of activity? Here's how mine went:

Daughter planned to go to a disco with some friends. I don't particularly like her hanging out with these girls because alcohol always seems to be involved somewhere. Daughter dyed her hair (why???) and put on fake tan (very badly) Friday night. We were out with friends, the parents of the one of the other girls in fact. Son decided that he'd like to have a party the next night for his birthday. Nothing like leaving it to the last minute. He managed to get four positive responses. The rest were going to the disco.

Saturday arrived calmly and serenely. Daughter spent most of the day at dancing, which suits me as she's been a complete bitch to me lately. When she got home, she hopped into the shower. But wait. I'm already taking a shower. No matter. I screamed out as the water went ice cold. Later I asked how she's getting home. She bit my head off and said she'll find out when the other girls get there. The other girls arrived, but took an hour to finish getting ready. Meanwhile, I took Son and his friend to pick out some DVDs for this great party he's having. Hubby went to the store for some food for these hungry guys. The girls finished getting ready and I drove them to the disco, stopping off at one girl's house to drop off their gear for they are all going there after the disco. The mother came out and asked if I mind them coming home in a taxi. I said I've been told the other girl's mother is driving them home. "Oh, OK," the mother says.

I drove back, settled down to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall, became very engrossed in it when the phone rang. I didn't understand at first, then I thought it was a prank. Could I come pick my daughter up at the disco because she's been drinking? I had to go because hubby had polished off a bottle and half of wine by himself. I flew there practically. She was the only one still there. Immediately, she began to explain herself. The Serial Text Dumper had dumped her two nights before because he didn't like her anymore. She didn't want to tell me because she thought I'd say I told you so. She held it in till the disco. The alcohol was a bottle of whisky provided by one of the girls I took to the disco. She sobbed and apologised and threw herself into hubby's arms when she got home. I gave her two paracetamol and a glass of water. Son watched the whole drama with not-so-quiet amusement.

The next morning the story had changed. It wasn't whisky; it was vodka and they found it outside. What were they doing outside? One of the boys they knew was out taking a pee and they went out too. I wondered why I hadn't heard from any of the parents that day. Finally, I texted my friend to find out if her daughter had gotten home all right. "Oh, yes," she replied, "they took a taxi." I then told her what had happened. I didn't hear back from her for a while. Then she texted that her daughter had told her some boys were outside drinking. So she obviously thinks her daughter wasn't with them.

My daughter is grounded till the end of the school year in five weeks' time. She is not allowed to go out with those girls or anyone else unless I give my approval, which I won't. I'm really disappointed and disgusted.

And it looks like we won't be buying the second business we've looked at even though we're pretty far down the road.


Have I mentioned that I hate my life?


Anonymous said...

Oh dear! I was going to say, my weekend was relaxing, but I almost don't want to now!

Kids can be a handful :S (She says at the tender age of 23; and still giving her parents trouble *embarrased face*)

Well done for the grounding, sounds deserved.

Point to note; as first aiders we're not allowed to give paracetamol to people who've been drinking - it can react with the alcohol, its doesn't address the reason you've got a headache (dehydration from drinking, therefore water to alleviate) and it can make painkillers less effective when you actually need them. That having been said, does make you feel better, so its up to the individual really!

I hope your daughter sees the light with multi-text dumper, some guys really are too hard to have a relationship but it can be impossible to see that when you still care too much to just be friends, or a distant memory.

Anonymous said...

Some guys really take advantage. Your daughter sounds like she's growing up and experimenting with all the things to make her realise that she doesn't want to go down that road. I hope you manage to sort through it all.

CJ xx

Anonymous said...

The grounding is deserved. I feel for you. Its hard trying to instil the correct beahvour and wisdom into our kids. It makes it really hard when you have unsavoury friends hanging around that will influence them and that you basically can't control. The grounding is probably the only thing you can do right now that is effective.

Expat mum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Expat mum said...

Sorry - I have to look at the keyboard when I type and then I sometimes forget to edit the rubbish that comes out.
Anyway - did you get to the bottom of it all? Not that it really matters. What a pain.

Fire Byrd said...

How kind of your daughters friends to all go home in a taxi and leave her there!
Sorry to hear about the buisness, not what you needed at all.

Linda - Gold Coast said...

Thankfully my DD will be 24 in August. Yes we survived her teenage years. I thought I knew where she was, what she was doing, who she was with, she hated me phoning other parents checking that what she told me was correct, how could I, none of her other friends parents did this!! I was horrified to find out a few years ago that I didn't have a clue where she was, what she was doing and who she was with. She was very cunning indeed. A lot of us have been down the same path but the good news is we have all survived and so will you but it's more stress that you could do without. Chin up and keep smiling (even through gritted teeth).

Sorry to hear about the business not working out, hopefully there are other prospects on the horizon for you and DH.

Hope next weekend is much better. Linda xx

Kaycie said...

Bless your heart. I'd have grounded her until school starts up again! You might as well sit back and wait for the truth; she'll let you know what it was when she's about, oh, I don't know, twenty-five maybe. In the mean time assume the worst and punish for that. You can always apologize later if you've gone overboard. Wishing for the best for you and your daughter.

MBNAD woman said...

Poor old Wakeup. You're having a crap time at the moment aren't you. I'm with the "ground here" brigade here. And don't waver. They need boundaries in the teenage years just as much (even more?) than when they were small children. How else will they go off on gap years / hold down a job / not get into debt / survive university etc if they don't have these boundaries.

On the other hand, it is survivable. For you, that is.

At some point in her teenage years, Madette bellowed "You don't understand me" with as much spleen as she could muster. I had it up to the back teeth with her at that point and screeched back, "You are so bloody right. I have NO idea what is going on in your head". I don't know which of us was more shocked ;-) She still dines out on the story.

Sorry about the business too.

Mad x

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, bad news re business but reassured that stroppy daughter is normal.

She'll get through this and become quite human again.


wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Chapati: Thank you for that information about paracetamol. I'll keep it in mind for the next time.

CJ: Yeah, that's what she says too. It's all an experiment. I just don't want to have to be part of it.

Dave: I could take away her phone and laptop. I'm saving that for infractions to come.

Expatmum: The story gets worse. Apparently, she was kissing all the boys there and got told off by the security people.

Firebyrd: I think it's just irresponsible to let 14-year-olds come home in a taxi. My daughter knows this too.

Linda: I know we'll get through this. I just don't want her to slip into ways that I slipped into. That is, I don't want her to be the type of teen-ager I was. I thought by having a stable marriage, staying at home, taking them to church, etc., I was doing all the right things to ensure she didn't. How wrong I was.

MBNAD Woman: Boundaries are exactly what they need. I feel like screaming back too. And I think I will someday.

Not Waving: I was a stroppy teen-ager, but my parents deserved it. I don't deserve this (though my daughter obviously thinks I do). I think we made the right decision to pull out of the business deal. It's just hard to figure out what to do next.

Expat mum said...

This is going to sound ridiculously trite, but I once read an interview with Michelle Pfeiffer, whose kids are now teenagers. When they were little (I'm talking 4 and 5), she asked her pediatrician what to do with them when they were acting up and generally being a pain, and he said "Just love 'em up". It sounds oh -so corny, but I have found it works.
When we've had a bit of trouble, I have just enforced family mealtimes and thereby, conversation,(by way of grounding or whatever it takes) and they somehow come back to you, as much as they can. I'm not saying there shouldn't be "consequences" but you need to keep them as close to you as you can. This is a really hard time for them.

Fred said...

Kids are a challenge at every step, aren't they? We've had a few similar incidents with ours, too, but they've largely outgrown the teenage rebellion behavior.

Sorry 'bout the business.