Saturday, 27 June 2009

Bad, Bad Dreams

I awoke this morning from a dream about my ex-husband. I can't remember the details but I felt uneasy when I awoke so it couldn't have a good dream. Why do I dream about him now when we have been split up for nearly 20 years? Well, Facebook has brought him back into the periphery of my life. We share some friends. We would share even more friends if I could be bothered to invite more people to be my friends. But I hesitate because of him and the bitterness of our divorce.

I think I dreamt of him because of the contrast between him and my hubby. Today is my hubby's 50th birthday party, which I organized against his will. He needs a party. I have never known him to be so depressed. The Ex appears to have a good job and going great guns in his life. Hubby, as we know, lost his job last year and has been met with disappointment after disappointment in his quest for employment. I think the biggest loss in his life, though, has been the dog. This morning, a Saturday, he went downstairs at 6:45. Why are you up so early on a Saturday, I asked. I have to make the coffee, he replied. Not at 6:45! It is a habit he started when we got Jake, and one he seems unable to shake.

My heart bleeds for this man, an intelligent man with a degree in history from Cambridge. A hard-working man who has no time for hobbies. I haven't always treated him well. He hasn't always treated me well. But we're still together.

Unlike with the Ex. When I split with the Ex, many people were genuinely surprised. Others, who were a bit more canny, weren't. The Ex's nickname in the newsroom was the Curmudgeon. He presented a sour face to the world and to me. I am so glad he only exists in my dreams now.

I must finish preparations for tonight. So much to do, so little time. And hopefully hubby will have a great time.


DogLover said...

So sorry that Jake's passing has upset your husband so much.

Would a birthday present of another (more placid) dog help?

The wife of bold said...

Sorry your hubby's having such a bad time of it of late but hopefully this party your organising will cheer him up again and put a smile back on is face. Hope you both have fun :)

Henry the Leaphound said...

I decided to join facbook under a false name, mainly after seeing the odd boyfriend from the 80's, it was all far too scary to join all that up together, So I now have a lovely controlled facebook of people who are there becuase I want them and no-one from the past except family. Far, far better and no scary morning emails from weirdo men of the past.

Have a great party, and give hubby a hug from all us bloggers, it will get better, honest. Catherine.x

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

i suppose he has had a year of grieving for his lost career, battered self esteem and his place in society. I was made reduntant from a large IT firm that I worked for for 25 years - i don't think that I truly completely got over it. In the mean time I had several deaths to content with so I can empathise with how he is feeling. The loss of your beloved pet has clearly compounded things. I hope your birthday party lets you both have some respite and fun tonight. All the best.

lady macleod said...

You are making my heart hurt. I think with you in his corner your husband is a lucky chap, and things will get better. I think a party "against his will" can only be for the best - he will love it or he will have something wonderful to bitch about for days! Win-win!

With all else I can only imagine the pain of losing a friend. When my kitten died (whom I had not even met yet; I was very sad). We all need that non-judgemental constant love that a pet can give.
Well done on keeping the nasty-ex only in the dream world....
Remind him - things can always get worse. Which means - that things can always get - better!

Anonymous said...

I understand how he feels. Luckily for him, you do too. Plus, I am sure he's glad he has you at his side.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Doglover: We will get another dog in the fall when the summer holidays are over. I think hubby will be very happy then.

Wife: We did, thank you. Too much champagne though.

Henry: I do understand your concern about keeping your privacy on Facebook. I hope things get better too.

MOB: Thank you.

Lady M: You always look on the bright side. Thank you.

Dave: I think he is happy to have me here though I've had my doubts sometimes.

Expat mum said...

He looks like a really lovely guy though! Glad you had a good time.