Saturday, 30 May 2009

The Days After

It's been a difficult week. I thought I was handling the Jake thing so well till we picked his ashes up from the pet crematorium. Hubby and I (the kids didn't want to go) drove out to North Wales to this lovely pet cemetery and even had a laugh that they had a cafe on the premises. Then we went inside to collect the ashes...

They were in a very nice wooden box with a plaque engraved with his name, the date of his death, and his age -- 22 months. Well, he was just shy of 22 months. Then the man gave us a key chain with some of Jake's hair inside. I lost it then. I didn't think I would cry so I didn't bring any tissues or anything.

I had been on painkillers, including diazepam, for most of the week because of my back. While the rest of the family had trouble sleeping, I was snoring away. Then the pain eased and I stopped taking them. And wham! It's hit me that he's gone.

I've put our name down for a Golden Retriever puppy. I'm trying to look ahead, but my memories of Jake are still so strong -- the good and the bad.

Well, I've had a lot of pets in my life. Jake will stand out for all sorts of reasons.

Onto another subject: I have been trying to keep up with everyone's blogs. And I've tried to leave comments, but something is happening with my server or something because it either takes forever or I get a weird message. Just know that I'm with you in spirit.


Kaycie said...

It's a big loss, sweetie, and grieving takes time. Thinking of you.

Fire Byrd said...

I think your brave taking Jake's ashes, when my last dog died I couldn't have coped with that at all.
Lets hope the wait for a new friend isn't too long

Linda - Gold Coast said...

I was so terribly sad and upset to read about Jake. He couldn't have had a better Mum to love and care for him and I am certain he is now at peace. Please be kind to yourself, something we forget to do sometimes. Cyber ((((hugs))) Linda

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Thank you all. Unfortunately, grief takes many different forms for people. Hubby is taking it out on me. I know he misses the dog terribly. And he wants to blame someone. But I'm not the one to blame.

Flowerpot said...

I'm so sorry to read this, and that Jake had to go. You take care now.

laurie said...

as kaycie says, it's a big big loss. very sad. you'll feel better but it's normal to grieve. (it'd be odd if you didn't.)

re the retriever: have you thought about a shelter dog? i've found mutts to be the sweetest dogs, and the healthiest, too. they don't have the same problems that overbred dogs have. and when you cross a border collie (or anything else) with a little bit of Lab you get a dog with a great disposition.

goldens are lovely and if you go the breeder route i'm sure you'll love your new pup, whenever it shows up. but i just wanted to mention many sweet puppies there, much cheaper, needing a home.

laurie said...

ps and re your husband: man oh man that's harsh. he sounds so difficult.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

flowerpot: I will, thank you.

Laurie: Re the husband: To be fair, he was bitten twice by Jake on Tuesday and tore his calf muscle as well in two places. His leg is swollen and bruised. And he misses Jake like crazy. They became very close buddies. I thought about the shelter idea, but having spent so little on Jake initially only to have HUGE bills later on, I want to know what I'm getting. I've found two or three reputable breeders who put their dogs' hip, elbow, and eye scores on their websites. I'm not so interested in the purebred side, but I do want to minimize future health problems. With a shelter, you don't always know what you're getting.

Anonymous said...

I know it's painful. It's been a few months since my dog died and I still haven't thrown his things away. I washed all of his dog beds - all 7 of them - and then put them back where they always have been. My other dog never lies on them. He'd rather lie on the couch. I still have his collar and tags hanging up and every day I touch them and think of him. Getting his ashes was the right thing to do as is the key chain. It may not seem like it now, but having those things that you can touch and see helps ease the passing.

MBNAD woman said...

I've been away for a little while and so had missed your last two posts. How hard for you and the family. What a sad and unfathomable little life Jakey must have had. Echoing others, don't get rid of his stuff. Life settles and the little tangible reminders come to the fore.
Poor Jakey and poor you.

Anonymous said...

Oh heck, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's always such a shame when we lose a pet, however they go. You could be right though, I'm sure Jake will be in a better place (not from you of course).

I hope the retriever puppy works out for you. Stay strong and remember you did what you had to do.

CJ xx

Expat mum said...

My kids are still banging on about wanting a dog. I really love dogs but I can't stand this part!

jenny said...

I put my cat down 7 years ago and I still think of him.. it was such a hard thing to do even though it was the right thing to do. I didn't take his body from the vets, though I wish I did. I have a little pet cemetary in our back garden from the pets we have lost since moving here and I wish my cat was there, too. I would have taken comfort in knowing where his final resting place would be.

I'll be saying a prayer for you and hope you feel better soon. (((hugs)))

DogLover said...

"With a shelter, you don't always know what you're getting".

I'm not sure I agree. I have had eight rescue dogs (of assorted breeds and none!) and only one with a problem.

You can see what you are getting, have them on approval and choose a dog with character. With breeders puppies, you don't know how the dog will turn out (was Jake from a breeder?) and puppies are so loveable that you aren't rational when you make the decision!

The problem I had? A German Shepherd with hip problems. But I knew about them and took her just the same because she had been in care so long. She became a very special dog even though I had to say goodbye to her when she was still quite young.

Your choice - good luck whatever you choose!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Dave: Remind me again. Are you single? And why hasn't some good woman snapped you up?

MBNAD: It's still hard. I threw myself into gardening for the first few days I could walk straight (I'd hurt my back just before). At night I still look round the corner in the kitchen to check on him too. We'll miss him for some time to come.

CJ: I know we did. But it was still taking a life, even though it was a dog's life. If he had lived a good long time, I think I'd feel differently.

jenny: That's sweet, your little pet cemetery. I have a cat buried in our back yard, and one in our previous back yard, and one in a back yard of a house I lived in 20 years ago. They never leave you in spirit.

Doglover: Jake was from a Welsh farmwife who was either naive, stupid or greedy. We were stupid and naive in taking him. I would hardly call this woman a "breeder." The people I've been in touch with about Golden Retriever puppies care about the breed tremendously, but also care about breeding healthy, happy pups. And that's what we want. But I take on board what you say about shelters.

Fred said...

Glad you're getting another puppy. Dogs are great friends, and Jake at one point was, too.

I was down for a bit due to a lightning strike, but I'm back. Now I have to catch up.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Fred: I remember lightening strikes in Tampa, the thunderstorm capital of the world. Glad you're back on line.

Henry the Leaphound said...

Oh goodness you poor thing, I know EXACTLY what you mean about it all falling apart when you pick up the ashes, the same thing happened to me with my gorgeous Fergus, even now I can't beleive he's not here.

I know lots of others have mentioned shelters and I'm afraid I'm going to unashamadley join them, sorry! Why not try Golden Retreiver Rescue? The kennel club could put you in touch and you may find the perfect dog who needs a home through no fault of it's own, perhaps its owners are moving abroad etc. You'd know about the dog, and it's history and why it would need rehoming.

Anyway I hope you are feeling better, time does help but that's not much use when you're still sad.