Thursday, 26 July 2007

I have been BUSY! Keeping two tween-agers occupied isn't as easy as it looks. And with them around, there's more cooking and cleaning to do or else we spend the day going out and spending money. Oh how I long for the days when a trip to the park or the beach or a bike ride was sufficient. Not anymore.

Of course, I didn't see much of them in the first few days after school let out. Son had his bezzie mates round for a sleepover, then he went to another sleepover at one of the mate's. Then he spent half a day at home. Then another friend came over and spent the night. Daughter went to a friend's on Saturday night, was home Sunday, went shopping with another friend Monday and a sleepover that night at a schoolfriend's. Then Tuesday I took them and two friends shopping and to the cinema to see Harry Potter (fantastic!).

Here's the difference between boys and girls. At my son's sleepover and the one he went to, the boys played games and swam in his friend's pool. At the sleepover my daughter went to, the girls sat around telling each other their worst faults.

Maybe it's a 12-year-old thing. I seem to recall doing that too, with disastrous results for the friendship. Daughter's school friends did this at the last sleepover they went to as well. That resulted in some hurt feelings on the part of one girl. I know that because I am friends with the mother of that girl. I took the mother to lunch for her birthday last week, and she proceeded to tell me all about her daughter crying and feeling left out, etc. If I don't sound very sympathetic, it's because I'm not. This particular girl dumped my daughter two weeks into the school year. I didn't repeat anything my daughter had told me about the girl. I did say 12-year-old girls can be incredibly bitchy. I did say my daughter had also gone through a rough patch earlier in the year when nobody was calling her. I am fairly confident that information was passed on.

At this week's sleepover, Daughter asked the girl why she had quit calling her. Now here's where I get really pissed off. The girl's reply was that she thought Daughter had started acting bigheaded and she wanted to teach her a lesson so she quit having much to do with her! This from the child who boasts about her father's Porsche, her expensive new bedroom, the expensive holidays her family goes on. So Daughter tells me what the girl said and my voice starts to get really loud and indignant and Daughter starts to get defensive and won't tell me anymore. So I calm down and ask her if she thinks that was fair of the girl to say. She said she thought it was, and that maybe she hadn't been such a good friend to the girl.

I said no more and have not brought it up since. But I am incensed! I think Daughter is afraid of losing friends and so will put up this little madam for the sake of peace. The only thing that consoles me is that I doubt this relationship will last much longer than another school year, if that. I wish I could tell Daughter that women don't do this sort of thing to each other, that they grow out of it. But we all know that isn't true, don't we. Women are each other's best friends and worst enemies. I have wished many a time that I had a man's emotional makeup. I sometimes envy men their ease in keeping conversation on a surface level. Still, they have their problems too, don't they. There are still the Wannabe Alpha Males jostling for superiority in sport, cars, and women. And the men who will not show one iota of emotion. And the ones who are from Mars and other planets.

I'd put a 12-year-old girl up against them anyday. I know who would win.

11 comments:

laurie said...

you are giving me flashbacks. i remember those angst-filled sleepovers when i was in the late grades of elementary school--fifth grade, sixth grade, thereabouts.

they were exercises in female power, and examinations of our fears and insecurities.

i wonder why girls have to go through all that?

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Yes, I wonder too, Laurie. But does it ever end? Not in my experience.

@themill said...

Little girls are so much more cruel than boys. Thank you for visiting me. Never sure about the etiquette of replying to comments. Do you do it on your wown page or do you visit theirs? Very confusing!

Pixie said...

Sounds a tough one for your daughter to have to deal with. But if she's anything like her mum comes across as then she'll be ok.
pxx

Moody Gemini said...

My gawd the drams tweens go through! My twelve year old has the same exact problem, she puts up with so much from two lil girls who Id love nothing more than to swat them !

Kelly said...

The greatest thing about being a teenager, particularly a girl, was not being one anymore. I hated it. There's no logic, only meanness and a lack of self-worth. I know that, should we have daughters, it ill be the same for them. i only hope that they are stronger than I was....

It sounds like you are on her side though, which is more than half the battle.

mcewen said...

So that's what I have to look forward to!
Newbie visiting from the Goddess.
Cheers

jenny said...

Oh, don't I know how catty girls can be!! Do you know the reason I was shunned for a whole school year was because my striped tube socks came from K-mart instead of the oh-so-fashionable GAP?? I can picture clearly to this day, the little girl that pointed to my socks, looked at them dripping with disdain and asked, "Are those from K-mart?" If I had known any better, I should have said, "Oh, you shop there, too, eh?"

Ugh!! I fear the day when my girls become tweens...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

@themill: I don't know the etiquette either. This is how sad I am: I actually tried to find something on the web to tell me about blog etiquette.

pixie:she's actually better than me at this stuff. I really admire her in many ways.

Moody gemini: Welcome. I know so many geminis. Must be my karma. Anyway, yeah, there's a few 12-year-olds I'd like to have a go at.

kelly: I know of what you speak. I HATED those years, which may be why I get all worked up about my daughter.

mcewan: welcome. Yes, parenthood becomes even more challenging as they grow older. Different issues mean different challenges.

jenny: what a bitch! But that's girls for you. Some will try to find the weak points and exploit them. And what's wrong with Kmart anyway? It's one of my favourite stores. My kids hate GAP.

DJ Kirkby said...

oooh this makes me cringe, boys are bad enough but I am now so thankful I do not have a daughter. Too much teenage angst for me...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

DJ: I understand the boys become a problem later on. Hopefully by then my daughter will have settled down.