Friday, 16 July 2010

So Here's What I've Been Doing

Does anybody who isn't Chinese read my blog anymore? Not that I have anything against the Chinese people but some comments in English are welcome as well.

Anyway, I have no room to complain as I have been an errant blogger. But much has been happening in my world. I started working. Yes, Wakeup has a job, actually two jobs and possibly a third on the way. I am a peripatetic support worker for people with autism. This is completely different to anything I've ever done, and yet it's not. I have been a carer for the past 18 years for FEX and my children. Now I get paid for it, and I get to work with autistic people. Yes, so far I enjoy it. Autism is an extremely complex disability. No two autistic people are alike, I've discovered. One may have highly developed verbal skills but has no concept of time and won't feed him or herself. Another may have no language skills and no toilet skills. All autistic people have a high level of anxiety. My heart goes out to them. Imagine trying to cope with daily living when you, through no fault of your own, have no coping skills and never will. Imagine being the parents of such a child. Imagine the hopes and dreams you had for your child and realising they will never happen. You can never relax because you never know what's going to happen, or you do know what's going to happen.

An interesting job, but not a highly paid one. That's why I'm also cleaning houses, which is far better paid. And I have an interview for a third job next week. Put them all together, though, and they add up to a decent wage. Not much free time, but who needs that? I am having a hard time adjusting to not being here for the family that don't want me here anyway. Well, I think my son does. And my daughter does on occasion. Who knows what FEX wants. Who cares?

The pension actuary's report came out today. I need to look at it in more detail but I'm leaning toward not going for a share of FEX's pension but a payout. That way I can invest it how I want, not how FEX wants. He has been a good money manager, but if I'm to have my independence, I must pull away completely. Also, who knows what could happen in the next 15 years. I could die. I could remarry. He could die. Life is full of uncertainty. FEX has been on the phone a lot with the kitchen door shut. I don't care who he's calling, but my dad has been trying to call me for several days because my stepmother has been in the hospital. And all he gets is a busy signal. I imagine FEX is on the phone with Julie16 and perhaps his two friends, five acquaintances, sister, and mother to update them on how wonderful he is and how horrible I am. My dad said he won't ever emerge from this negative state unless something really catastrophic happens to him. I don't wish that on him, but I do pray he one day stops this negativity and moves on. He's in danger, otherwise, of allowing our divorce to determine his reaction to everything and everyone in his life. And that's not a healthy way to be.

But I have no control over that. And meanwhile, I have so much to learn about autism.

10 comments:

Angela said...

Still reading - and not Chinese! I've no useful advice to offer you so I keep quiet. Sounds like you're busy these days and I'm glad you're enjoying working life again!

育隆 said...

你不能決定生命的長度,但你可以控制它的寬度............................................................

Manchester Lass, Now and Then said...

I'm still reading but haven't left any comments recently as I haven't been well.

My Daughter is a Special Education Teacher on the Gold Coast and teaches severally autistic children. She has 5 in her class. I have the highest admiration for my Daughter and now you Wakeup. You should feel very proud of your new job.

FEX is a royal pain in the a*** Guess it's early days yet but is there any chance that you and your children could move out and find your own place, just as Sub did? Even better would be for FEX to move out but I'm guessing hell would freeze over before he would do that. Moving out of this situation with your children, he wouldn't have as much time to work his nastiness on your children.

Stay strong Wakeup and keep that lovely smile on your face. Don't let him get to you, remember KARMA is a beautiful thing♥ Love to you Linda xxx

michiganme said...

Hi there,
I read regularly, comment infrequently.

I think your job(s) will make a HUGE difference in your life and in your kids' life. It may be good that you are not there for their every 'need'. I feel like I get so much more respect/attention when my kids have to fend for themselves.

I think of you often and always wish you the best.

陳佑發 said...

凡事三思而行,跑得太快是會滑倒的。..................................................

DogLover said...

Yes - I still read your blogs and, like Angela, can't say anything much from experience because this sort of thing hasn't happened me, thank goodness.

But your positive attitude impresses me, as does your energy in taking on two jobs and possibly THREE! Good luck. [I wish I could read Chinese!]

darth sardonic said...

i'm trying to catch up on everyone's blogs. looks like you've been busy. in a mostly good way. hope you keep it up.

王美妹 said...

No pains, no gains..................................................................

Mom said...

Hi! Yes, I do read your blog - though not frequently. I don't write in mine anymore so I don't see the notices that blogs I follow have been updated.
I'm also not sure what to say to you - my heart just aches for you and your children...I have absolutely no good words or advice to share. I have no idea what I'd do. I'm listening, though - and I'm angry for/with you, and hoping that things turn around for you very soon. It's been long enough!!

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