1. And this is very important. DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT LOSE YOUR PASSPORT. OR YOUR CHILDREN'S PASSPORTS. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. IF YOU LOSE YOUR PASSPORT, LOTS OF PEOPLE WILL BE VERY PISSED OFF AT YOU, AND RIGHTLY SO. LOTS OF PEOPLE WILL BE INCONVENIENCED BY YOU. DON'T EVER LOSE YOUR PASSPORT.
2. If you do lose your passport, however, save your tears for the right moment, say, at the EasyJet counter when they're about to not let you on board.
3. Make sure you apologise to everyone, especially your husband.
4. Be kind to your daughter after she loses her phone with all her pictures of her dog on it. Remember, you fucked up much, much worse.
5. Do not ski in front of a pink terrorist. She will blindside you and take you out if you do.
6. Do not eat cabbage in front of your friends. They will make fart jokes all week long if you do.
7. Do not think that just because you've known someone a very long time that you actually get along or even have much in common anymore.
8. Thank your husband when you get home. You wouldn't be getting home if he hadn't called all the appropriate embassies.