Wednesday, 29 August 2007

It's all Crystal clear

Today is my and hubby's 15th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe. It doesn't seem that long ago at all that we were standing in the rain, photographer's assistant holding an umbrella over our heads, as we had our wedding photos taken. We had to have the real ceremony at the town hall because I was a scarlet woman in the eyes of the Church of England, being a divorcee (my, how things have changed). We were allowed a church blessing, which is what we invited all the friends and family to. My side was a little bit thin. There was my dad, my stepmother, my mother, my stepfather, my sister, my brother, my niece, and my friend who was with me the night I met hubby. All my family stayed at our house except for my friend who stayed with our neighbours. It was quite historic getting my dad and mother in the same house at the same time. Everyone behaved themselves.

Except for my mother-in-law, who was quite distraught at the idea of losing her son to a scarlet woman. Most of the family who came were from her side, and none of them knew I'd been married before till the wedding blessing. Such a scandal!

And here we are. I'm still in England, though many times I wanted to move back. I've even decided to go for dual citizenship at long last. We're still married, though at the beginning of the year I had thoughts of ending it. That's how this blog came to be born, in fact. While I was internally debating the pros and cons of this union, the mighty words of Dear Abby, that famous agony aunt in America, came back to me: Are you better off with him or without him? And the answer is with him, of course. So I told myself to Wake Up and Smell the Coffee and decided to blog about my life instead of keeping it locked up inside.

Hubby doesn't know about this blog, but I'm going to have to tell him because I get to meet Pixie in person next week and I have to tell hubby how I know her. I'm very excited at the thought of meeting one of my blogfriends!

Marriage is not the easiest relationship in the world to maintain. It's a bit like a car. With care and attention, you can keep it running forever. But if you ignore it, it can break down irretrievably. Usually, at this time of year I'm not very happy with hubby. I think it must be because it's right after our annual holiday with my family, and hubby usually makes some comment like it's not a real holiday and I feel hurt because it's the only time I see my family. That didn't happen this year. Maybe it's because we made an effort to do some different things or maybe hubby decided not to be a dickhead this year.

The 15th anniversary is crystal. He gave me a necklace with pearls and crystals like one he saw in Vogue (!!!) magazine. I give the guy credit for even looking in Vogue. I bought him (and me) a bottle of Cristal champagne. Extravagant, but my local wine merchant gave me a good deal.

So Happy Anniversary, hubby. Let's hope the next 15 years fly by as quickly.

Yukon not be serious: Sometimes the stupidity of people is just too much. While we were at Pompey's Pillar, my daughter signed the guestbook with our names and UK under state, there being no column for country. My husband then overheard some children who were looking at it ask their dad: "What state is UK?" Wise father replied, "That would be Yukon." The asshole didn't even know how to spell it.


Kelly said...

Congratulations WakeUp! Enjoy the Champagne- after 15 years, sounds like you deserve it!

Lizzie said...

Many Happy Returns, Wakeup! A positive decision was taken, how lovely. I'm on my second marriage too, which I must say is about 100% better than the 1st, which lasted far too long really. All men can be dickheads at times, it goes with the territory. Good luck.

NB. -My recipes await your perusal.....

Lizzie x

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Thank you Kelly. And let's hope you find a buyer soon.

Lizzie, truer words were never spoken. My first marriage, all 5 years of it, felt more for 50 years of hard labour. I've already been over to peruse some of your recipes.

laurie said...

wow, good for you. fascinating about how you came to blog, and why, and how maybe it helped. i always wondered about that dear abby URL of yours.

and good for you, for deciding better with than without. doug and i were both married before, so we are both scarlet whores. i was married for about ten seconds in my early 20s, and he for about as long in his late 20s.

second time's the charm, as they say. or maybe we just know what we're doing this time around.

our anniversary is next month--our 9th. i'll think of you as we make our toast.

laurie said...

ps--oh, and you keep that thoughtful blogger award i gave you. post it twice! you earned it twice!

Snuffleupagus said...

Wow. He doesn't know about the blog and now you're going to tell him? Won't he feel kind of betrayed? Hmm. I can't wait to hear what happens! Good luck! xx

Oh, and you know, my opinion is that they are ALL dickheads. Some are just more than others. You've clearly got one who is only a little dickheadish, otherwise you wouldn't be with him! And to be honest, that's better than being all by your lonesome like me! He bought you bling - What more could you want? HA HA

Anonymous said...

All marriages have their ups and downs but if you're still with him after 15 years, it must be something pretty special. Enjoy the Crystal.

Crystal xx

Wayfarer Scientista said...


Oh, and don't worry about the geography-less...I live in a state (that would be Alaska) and people living in the US ask me all the time what currency we use and that they don't ship out of country.

debio said...


So impressed you both bothered to find out what 15 years signified (apart from a major success - marriage not being easy, and all that!).

Just going to slurp some wine and silently drink to you....

BSkove, Publisher said...

Coming up on my 18th in a week and a half. Can't believe we lived past the first five some times. Ours is porcelain - what do you do with that?
Congratulations on 15 years - It is a true milestone.

J said...

Congrats on your anniversary. 15 is a biggie.

It's interesting you talk about making the decision to stay and work at it. You're right on - it does take attention and work. I'm also thinking about this in light of my recent trip to see family and the stress of watching my sister in her incredibly dysfunctional marriage. I wish she had your smarts (she certainly won't listen to me).

It's also funny that you mention your hubby doesn't know about your blog. I remember reading about that a while back and considered commenting. My hubby didn't know about mine at first. Then I told him, but didn't give him the exact address - I gave him a clue that had to do with our rehearsal dinner the night before we were married. Funny thing is, he's never gone looking for it. He seems to recognize that this is my needed space, and trusts me that I'm not going to be a dickhead about it. Makes me appreciate him all the more.

Congratulations again. I hope the next fifteen years - and lifetime - will get better and better.

Kaycie said...

I actually asked hubby if he minded before I started blogging. Every once in a while I send him something I've written, but he's never asked for the URL. I'd give it to him if he did.

We've been married ten years and it's a second marriage for us both. I knew my first marriage was awful, but I didn't know just how bad it really was until I married the second time. Yes, marriage takes work, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, a good one is a blessing.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Laurie: thanks, I will keep the award then. And congrats on your 9th.

Snuffy: I like to think I'm keeping my Aura of mystery by not telling him everything.

Crystal: yes, our marriage is pretty special in its own way. Cheers.

Wayfarer: Welcome. I guess Alaska is too exotic for most Americans.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Debio: And I raise a toast to you as well. You must tell us how your daughter is getting on at school.

bskove: Wow, porcelain! Who comes up with these things? Could you commission a special plate? Or go to one of those places where you paint your own plates or whatever?

j. and Kaycie: I'm sure my husband would be the same. It's not as if I'm having an affair or anything. I think in the beginning I just wanted to let off some steam and write what I felt without fear of reprisal.

Exmoorjane said...

Your husband looks at Vogue? You husband knows what Vogue is? I am so envious. If I relied on getting presents on magazines my husband reads, I'd end up with a gun or a bottle of beer. My anniversary is two days before and two years after yours.....I got a bracelet (on sale - and only wearable because the shop assistant knows me). But hey.....
Found you via Crystal Jigsaw btw, in case you're wondering who the mad woman in the corner is!

Exmoorjane said...

btw, meeting bloggers is SUCH fun. So far I have notched up five meetings (one a con as I already knew her).... Met Crystal on our trip to Northumberland along with a couple of other bloggers, and another in North Wales. Hope your meeting is as much fun.

Pixie said...

I'm also excited about meeting up!
I've done lots of emails to other bloggers and talk to one on skype most days, but you dear wakeup will be the first i've met, apart from QV and i've known her forever, oh and the ex boyfriend....
We'll have to decide what colour carnations we are going to wear to be able to identify each other... ah but you've seen my picture... So you can hide if you don't like the look of me in real life!!