Reason 1: "Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 60-foot clipper."
Reason 2: In an essay about being an explorer, one pupil placed herself on a desert island. Suddenly, tigers appeared and chased her up a tree.
"I was fucked!" were her parting words.
Last night after a church function I attended (yes, wakeup is a secret Church of England congregant), we headed across the street to wet our whistles. That's the great thing about the churches here: they're nearly always located near a pub. Two in our group are teachers, and conversation turned to their line of work, or lines as demonstrated above. One is marking essays for Year 9 SATs. The other has taught design tech for 25 years. They've seen it all, heard it all, and entertained us mightily. The first line may be apocryphal, but funny nonetheless. The second is just too precious. If only the writer had come from Yorkshire. Then it would be "I were fucked!"
I'm sure all you teachers out there might disagree but it amused me no end. As long as my children weren't the ones being quoted.
So does anyone out there have some lines to top these?
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15 comments:
In my line of work, the funny lines are on college students' resumes. My absolute favorite is a student who "Participated in a hunger strike for the Salivation Army."
Priceless. Been reading some classic metaphors in the Purplecoo general forum which also had me in stitches (brain has gone numb and can't remember any now).
Pub and church = classic combination. Every English village based around that combo...
Sorry, can't add to the toll - but do recall Melanie Richards (who was 'Good at English') coming up with the phrase 'the sun hung low like a burnished orb'. English teacher waxed lyrical about it (though seems a bit tired to me now, frankly) so - naturally - about ten of us all used it in our O level English mocks (and were unfairly accused of cribbing).
career guy: That's priceless!
exmoorjane: And who did Melanie Richards crib it off? And where is she now?
exmoorjane: Google the sun hung low like a burnished orb. Very interesting.
From my little brother watching a man in the car in front with very sticking out ears. Ben said, "look, an erotic old man!" (he was about 5 at the time!!)
I don't have any lines I'm afraid but I like the idea of a church being located near the pub. I live over looking the tiniest village in Northumberland and we have a church and guess what's opposite it?!!!
CJ xx
Yes, and spell-checks on the homework don't help either. Did you know that Jesus chose twelve decibels as followers?
12 Decibels - oh that's funny. It's like my phone when I'm texting - it keeps trying to guess the word I'm about to spell and it's never anywhere close. It starts guessing after you've typed only one letter so the other day when I was trying to start a message with "Please" every bloody word beginning with P popped up. I don't know how to change it. Must get one of the kids to do it.
I think the Purplecoo metaphor winner went something like:
"Her grammar was as bad as, like, whatever".
Patience comes to those who wait for it.
flowerpot: Is he still as pithy?
CJ: It's a requirement, I think. Can't have one without the other.
the dotterel: Oh, that is a good one. I'll be passing that one on.
expatmum: Like that's how they all talk and text these days.
PM: I'll remember that: Must wait for patience to come.
Hello! I've just found you and I've been reading past posts. I'll be back!
My brother wrote about his day out at the fair "I spent all my money on the slot machines until I had no penis left."
Think he meant pennies but he got 10/10 anyway, for effort presumably!
Hello gonebacksouth, hope to see you here again.
Swearing mother: Perhaps the teacher took pity on his loss.
My 4 year old son asked me one time, Mom, why do you have timples?
(Translation: nipples)
Later, around age 11, same son had to go to a "health" class where birds/bees/procreation etc was discussed.
I asked him: Son, what did you learn today?
He said: I learned I don't like poverty. (Translation: puberty)
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